LUNAR Whose Line is it Anyway?
by Skylark360
Summary: Ramus host the LUNAR version of Whose Line. PG13 to be safe. Future chapters will include characters from other games. My first fic.


LUNAR Who's Line is it Anyway?  
  
A/N: I've done this before on another site, but I decided to make this my first fic for Fanfiction.net. This is my first, so go easy. I just hope everything made it in one piece. I also want to thank Rune Lai for letting me use her in this.  
  
Disclaimer: I do NOT own LUNAR or it's characters. If I did, I would have legions of fans, and a lot of money. Don't sue please. The only things that belong to me are the last names for Luna, Lucia, Hiro, and Ramus.  
  
(Music starts.)  
  
Ramus:"Hyio!!"-Hiro Kaigashi. "Huh??"-Lucia Takemura. "Where have you been?!"-Luna Kotoma. And "Quit teasing me!!"-Alex Noah! And I'm your host Ramus Carey, let's go down and have some fun!  
  
(Ramus sits at his desk. Music stops.)  
  
Ramus: Hello, welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway, the place where the show's made up and the points don't matter, just like my Bowflex. What we do here is we have these four act out scenes suggested by the audience and scenes that are written on these cards. I award these fakey points. Like I said, the points don't matter. I just pick whom I like the best, and the winner does a little something special with me... and the loser has to change Myght's diapers. OK our first game is called World's Worst. This is for all of you.  
  
(Alex and the others step down.)  
  
Ramus: These guys are here on the world's worst step and I got some suggestions from the audience and the one you're doing is "World's Worst person to replace Ghaleon." Take it away.  
  
Alex: Not Ghaleon, dear...(Starts gagging and coughing)*BUZZ*  
  
Hiro: Everyone loves a Slinky, you've got to get a Slink...*BUZZ*  
  
Lucia:(steps down)*BUZZ*(Glares at Ramus)  
  
Luna: Take your best shot Dragonbo.... hey, you're kinda cute. *BUZZ*  
  
Ramus:I said 'replacement' for Ghaleon.  
  
Lucia: Master Zophar, why do you look like RuPaul?? *BUZZ*  
  
Hiro:(pretends to pick nose) Is your Dragon gonna finish that fish? *BUZZ*  
  
Luna: Hell Wav.... (Starts looking like she has to pee) I'll be right back. *BUZZ*  
  
Alex: Hi, I'm Ramus Carey. *BUZZ,BUZZ,BUZZ*  
  
(Everyone sits down)  
  
Ramus: Alright, 1,000 points for Luna, Lucia, and Hiro. Minus 1,000 for Alex. Hope you like your new job...  
  
Ramus: Now, on to a game called Narrate. This is for Luna and Alex, whose gonna be out of a job for that crack he made in the last game.  
  
(Alex groans)  
  
In this game, you're going to do a film noir scene, and you two have to narrate for each other, and we're gonna give you some music to help you out, so take it away.  
  
(1920's piano music starts)  
  
Alex:(To audience) It was a rainy day in Reza when she stepped in. She was another thief trying to make her mark, but with the bounty she was hoarding, it was gonna take a really long time. (To Luna) Nall plushies?! (Ramus laughs) We don't accept that crap here! What the hell were you thinking?  
  
Luna:(To audience) Who did this guy think he was? I stole these fair and square! I kept my cool, and I let out my anger in a reasonable way. (To Alex):(Starts bawling) What's wrong with you?! (Starts hitting him) Is it a crime to sell plushies nowadays?! You meanie!!  
  
Alex:(To audience) If it were a little kid, I'd look the other way. However, she was a 35-year-old widow with several scars and warts, who the hell was she trying to kid? It was then I realized, that she could probably hear me with those huge ears of hers.  
  
(Luna glares at Alex and pretends to pull out a crossbow.)  
  
Alex:(To audience) Me and my fat mouth.  
  
Luna:(To audience) When I saw that snot-filled nose of his, I realized who this guy was. This was the same guy who laced the plushie I gave to my mother with strychnine (Is that how it's spelled?) when I was a little girl. Now I could get my revenge. (To Alex):It's been a long time, Jackie. It's time to pay.  
  
Alex:(To audience) Now I remembered her. As she aimed that crossbow at me, I thought I could use my smooth tongue and charm to find a way out of this. (To Luna):I'm sorry about what happened. Here's something to make it up to you.  
  
Luna:(To audience) As he jammed a sword into my stomach, I felt something was wrong. As I stood there bleeding, I was wondering how long I could stay conc...ious...(Falls to the floor)*BUZZ*BUZZ*BUZZ*  
  
Ramus: That's enough. (Alex helps Luna up and they sit down) That was great, especially the plushie thing. That was great, Alex. 5,000 points to you. You have redeemed yourself.  
  
Alex: Alright!  
  
Lucia: Yeah, watch him blow it in the next game.  
  
Ramus: Alright, next game is called Scenes from a Hat! (Audience cheers. Ramus takes out Alex's blue earlapped hat.) I asked the audience for suggestions to put in this hat, and I took the good ones, not the crummy ones, and they have to act them out.  
  
(All four stand up and go to opposite sides of the stage.)  
  
Ramus:(Takes out slip of paper.) Bad financial choices for Lemina.  
  
Alex: And we call it Pork-on-a-Stick.  
  
Lucia: I believe Lobotomies-R-Us will take the Magic Guild to new heights.  
  
Luna: What do you think of this?  
  
Hiro: Starbucks! *BUZZ*  
  
Ramus: Things a Dragonmaster wished he had.  
  
Alex: A Black Dragon codpiece.  
  
Hiro:(to Luna) Surely you could've made me a bigger sword.  
  
Lucia:(faces audience for a few seconds, then leaves.)*BUZZ*  
  
Ramus:Other disguises Kyle could've considered at Nanza.  
  
Hiro:(As Richard Simmons) Because you people are fat!! (Starts exercising.)*BUZZ*  
  
Ramus: What Lucia is thinking right now.  
  
Luna: "Wonder how long until I get to streak again?"  
  
Hiro:"Hiro doesn't think I'm too forward when I catch him in the bath house, does he?"  
  
Alex:(stares blankly at the sky)  
  
Lucia:(Vindictively) Hey Alex, tell Luna I said hello.... *BUZZ*  
  
Ramus: Things you wouldn't want to see on Meribia T.V.  
  
Lucia: Hey, Zophar's on T.V.  
  
Luna:Oh my god, they were filming that?!  
  
Hiro:(As the Croc Hunter)"And this is the rare baby Red Dragon of Althena, but be careful! One false move around her could prove fatal!"*BUZZ*BUZZ*BUZZ*  
  
Ramus: Welcome back to LUNAR Whose Line is it Anyway, where the points don't matter, just like bust-enhancers to Luna, there's no need for them.  
  
(Wild cheering from the men in the audience.)  
  
Ramus: Alright, our next game is Wierd Newscasters. All four of you are doing a made up news program. (Everyone gets up. Luna and Lucia sit on the two stools.) Luna, you're the anchor of this program. Lucia is your co- anchor, and you are a rabid John Truitt fan.  
  
Lucia:Oh, God...  
  
Ramus: Hiro, you are cursed and end up falling in love with anyone in your line of sight, (Hiro laughs) and Alex, you are Mystere the Mediocre.  
  
Alex: No... read the card again, that can't be right.  
  
Ramus: Take it away!  
  
(Newscast music plays)  
  
Luna: Hello, welcome to the 6:30 News. I'm Great in the Sack. (Cheering.) Earlier this evening, Gov. Mel De-Alkirk hosted a ceiling fan convention with special guest Fellinni and His Trampolining Sheep. The festivities were going well until one extremely high bounce...and then the "sheep hit the fan."(I know that was from the real Whose Line, I couldn't think of an original LUNAR report that was funny.) Now I turn it to my co-anchor, Lucia. Lucia?  
  
Lucia:(Caption reads Rabid John Truitt fan) It's so great to be here...hey, I thought this was a LUNAR convention. My dreamboat was supposed to...(Spies Ghaleon in the audience) OH MY GOD!!! OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD!!!!! (Runs over and glomps Ghaleon) Mr. Truitt, I am so your biggest fan!! (Dreamy-eyed) Can I have your autograph...? (Ghaleon sweatdrops.)  
  
Luna...right...anyway, let's take it over to Hiro in sports. Hiro?  
  
Hiro:(Caption reads falls in love with anyone in line of sight.) OK, in today's sports.... (Looks at Luna, moves over to her, and kisses her)...anyway, the Meribia Beastmen were ahead by four and....(looks at Ramus. Lots of cheering. Ramus tries to get away, but Hiro kisses him as well.) Phew, anyway, I...(His eyes move past Alex, to Skylark, the Executive Producer, and Rune Lai, the Director.) Hello, you. (Moves offstage and kisses Rune, then Skylark. Lots and lots of cheering.) Back to you.  
  
Luna: This just in....If I ever see Ramus getting kissed again, I'm going to vomit. Now over to weather with our special guest, Lord Leo.  
  
Alex:(Caption reads Mystere the Mediocre.) Thank you, Great. Well, we have sunny skies throughout the weekend, with slight showers on Sunday. On Monday...wait...someone's being robbed across the street.... excuse me (Moves offstage.... then jumps out as...) Haha!! Never fear, good citizens! The Amazing Mystere has arrived!!(Cheering) It's alright, the power of justice shall always prevail!!(Pulls out grappleing hook.) Taste my Fang of Justice!!! (Swings across the stage, but the distance is too great, and he swings backward until he's stuck.) OK...I uh... seem to have misunderstood the distance of the swing.... Don't worry; I'm Mystere the Mighty! No task is too.... uh...daunting...(meekly) help...  
  
Luna: Thanks for joining us. Stay tuned for the 8:00 news at 8:30. Good night and good news.  
  
(Newscast music plays. Everyone sits down.)  
  
Ramus:Oh man.... I don't think I'll ever get the taste of Hiro out of my mouth...  
  
Luna: Yeah, have you tried Binaca?  
  
Hiro: Never mind me, but I think Leo's gonna kick Alex's ass after the show.  
  
Alex: Don't laugh. It might happen.  
  
Ramus:100,000 points for everyone. That's right; eat my dust, Regis...  
  
Ramus: Welcome back to LUNAR Whose Line! Alex and Lucia are our winners today! (Alex and Lucia are comfortable at the desk, waving at the camera.) They get to sit in my warm, sticky seat, while the rest of us do a game called 90 Second Alphabet. What we do is try to do a scene, and each sentence we say has to start with the next letter of the alphabet, starting with what letter? (Audience shouts suggestions.) M. Alright, now what's our scene?  
  
Lucia: Ramus is a security guard at Lemina's Magic Guild Hall of Fame who comes in later. Hiro and Luna are a tourist couple seeing the sights.  
  
Alex: You have 90 seconds. Ready? Go.  
  
Luna: Max, are you listening to me.  
  
Hiro: No. What are talking about?  
  
Luna:Oh, forget it, I'm gonna look at that thing over there.  
  
Hiro: Paula Abdule's Talent??(No offense)  
  
Luna: Quiet, I wanna see this.  
  
Ramus: Restricted access, go around.  
  
Hiro: Sad, pathetic security guard. Wow, these displays are so lifelike.  
  
Ramus: Touch me like that again and you'll regret it.  
  
Luna: Unhand him already!  
  
Ramus:(thinking) Veal...I sure could go for some veal right now.  
  
Hiro: What the hell's that noise?  
  
Ramus: Xylophone music.  
  
Hiro: You wanna tell me what that display over there is?  
  
Luna: Zophar's G-string...  
  
Lucia: 60 seconds!  
  
Hiro: Alright! I've been looking for one of those!  
  
Luna: Boy, you're really drunk, aren't you?  
  
Hiro...Cow! I hear a cow!!  
  
Luna: Dumbass...  
  
Ramus: Elvis once told me...that cows are the best in burgers.  
  
Luna:(looks for a second) Freddy, is it? Why are you following us? Aren't you supposed to be doing your job?  
  
Ramus: Goodwyn the memorabilia thief has been spotted here.  
  
Hiro: Hey, why should that concern us?  
  
Alex: 30 seconds!  
  
Ramus:I believe anyone in here could be Goodwyn.  
  
Luna: Just because we're the only two people in here doesn't mean...  
  
Ramus: Kyle's sacred beer...you have a lot of explaining to do.  
  
Luna: Look, he was just thirsty. He can't be Goodwyn. Goodwyn's supposed to be an idiot.  
  
Hiro...Moo!!(Luna slaps her forehead.)*BUZZ*BUZZ*BUZZ*  
  
Ramus: Alright, we'll be right back!  
  
(Commercial inspired by ABC Family)  
  
Now showing twice on Meribia T.V., LUNAR Whose Line. Catch two brand new episodes each week!  
  
Alex: Wow.  
  
On cable and satellite.  
  
Alex: WOW!  
  
(That was no indication of things to come, by the way. I'm too lazy to do TWO every week.)  
  
Ramus: Welcome back! To close the show tonight, I'm gonna have everyone read the credits. Lucia is Xenobia trying to get her fellow Vile Tribe members to finish the Grindery. Thanks for watching!  
  
(Music plays and the credits roll.)  
  
Lucia: Get up, you good-for-nothings! Skylark wants this palace built by sundown!  
  
Luna:(Mining) Marc Shallot said I was gonna get good health coverage for this...  
  
Alex:(Mining) Never listen to a relative of Jimmy Taro. I've told you this dozens of times.  
  
Hiro:(Mining) Oh, I think it would have been better to have left with Laike Bogart and Lemina Ausa. I can't do this anymore.  
  
Lucia: I don't know why Lord Ghaleon hangs out with that Rune Lai, I am so much better for him!  
  
Alex:(To Luna) Somebody's going through a Quentin Jaeger experience...  
  
Lucia: I heard that!! We'll see what James Forbar thinks of slackers like you! (Laughs evilly)  
  
Luna: Geez, Nadia Kuro's laugh was never as bad as that.  
  
Hiro: Alex Noah would never allow something like this to go on.  
  
Luna: Well, we're in a country run by a Skylark, so what can we do?  
  
(Show ends.) 


End file.
